‘These two years were meant for us to grow up, not grow apart.’

So caught up with everything just whizzing by, I don’t even know what’s going on or who’s who anymore. October’s ending, 2 more months till I pass out as a friggin’ commander for some course that’s super mentally stressful, like what the hell, since when was the army supposed to be that mentally taxing?

Ok apparently I can’t get enough of army and have totally contemplated about getting Battlefield 3 because it’s so bloody brilliant and there’s a Playstation version of it, even though there’s practically so much to do (or on the contrary, close to nothing) on my weekends to even touch the controller. And wow I’m so absorbed into this shit 5 days a friggin week I think I’m just booking out to look forward to how I get to sleep on my bed and bathe in hot water.. Yeah that’s about it. Why?

Because my girlfriend is just like my life, I don’t have one.

Jokes aside, people around are just like hooking up as though somehow all the poles have aligned to join in some weird funky magnetic way. And I have to stop doing this stupid comparison shit. How oooh this person’s life is better, how they’re getting all prestigious and shit in some college overseas and how ooooh this girl’s hot and this guy’s getting all the chicks blah blah blah. Oh-wow-big-fucking-deal I’m uninterested in all this high school drama shit already. But that just makes me sound like I’m sour. Fuck this shit.

It’s a good measure less than 500 days till I’m done with my time in the service. I’m not exactly miserable about it considering how interesting my vocation is compared to all the other dudes doing stupid laborious shit nobody likes. But it’s still taxing. I’m still undergoing a course, and I haven’t even gotten a proper rank. K alright fuck all this jargon; Dear Me, try to decide what the fuck is important right now.

Assuming I get past this course successfully and slowly whittle my time away in the unit until I get back my normal civilian life back. I have no fucking clue where the fuck my friends are, or what they’re doing because I give so much as to this little shit about their stupid activities on facebook because that’s not who they are. I have absolutely no clue what I’m going to expect in the university because everyone else is clueless too. I have no idea what the hell is waiting for me in that other shit hole when I’m done with this one. It all comes full circle to getting the fuck nowhere.

Honestly people, university isn’t a better place. It’s hard. Life gets fucking hard. And I’m going to be Captain Obvious now - it’s not getting any easier. I don’t see why I should congratulate that hardworking motherfucker on his shiny accolades that he has to show off on some social networking site, or about how this bitch is now ‘happy’ doing some shit she’s been dreaming of all her life. This is the bitter me speaking not because I’m loveless, pathetic, depressed, or jaded. This is the bitter me speaking because I have to suck this shit up like a man. And at the end of the day, THOUSANDS of us going through this same shit have to keep resorting to the things that make us happier somehow, honestly speaking, is quite a circlejerk.

I don’t deserve to feel better. At all. This is all just bitterness speaking and I had to let it out.

7 months ago  /  1 note